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I just did not want to see him for who he really is; I wanted to hold on to who I experienced he was at the beginning of our relationship even though that person was not real and did not even hang around for too long. This person is a colleague who I felt comfortable with and liked for a few years before we were in a teaching abroad situation, both going through separation (he from his second wife).
I thought we became close friends and confidantes; there were times during this abroad experience I felt a close spiritual connection.
When you set out to heal your sense of unworthiness, you will still feel unworthy, and hence will be tempted to give up and give in.
This vicious cycle is what often keeps empaths stuck in a wounded healer pattern: able to give to others, but not able to receive that which you need to heal yourself. You can only heal through allowing yourself to receive what you need in order to heal. You take action to take care of yourself, you set a boundary with a needy person, you acknowledge the sense of “not deserving support” that gets triggered, and you learn how to let go of that.
Actually, you don’t need to play the programme at all in order to delete it, you just need to log in to the control panel on your desktop and remove the programme. Because as a heart-broken empath, you will tend to devalue yourself, and slave away to prove your worth and “earn” love.
No matter how good you get at playing pacman, the programme itself isn’t going to delete itself, not even if you make it to the final level.
You can’t heal unworthiness by reading a blogpost, but you can get a sense of the mechanism of it that keeps you stuck, and the steps required to heal.
Knowing this is super important, because it allows you to evaluate your triggers accurately.
As long as your helping efforts are driven by guilt, shame and unworthiness, you’ll more easily be doing others a disservice. I never really considered myself an empath, but always knew I was a “highly sensitive person” – I have always been told I am “intuitive”, etc.
You’ll start doing other people’s spiritual and emotional homework for them, you’ll start meddling, you’ll start overextending yourself, all in an effort to give more. I am exactly at the point you mention in this blog – trying to replace that “I am unworthy of love” inner recording with one that says “I AM worthy of love, and I am not going to love someone who will not or cannot love me back!!This is because whatever you do or don’t achieve, it doesn’t change the underlying assumptions.